Transitions...

I have to confess I was at a loss for what to write about this weekend. It's the reason I haven't posted until now. But as I think about my time here, I'm over the one month mark. I had hoped that I would be making some smoother transitions, and yet some of them are still rough. Here's a few of the harder ones I have dealt with lately:

Family
I haven't been this far away from my family with no way to easily return ever. It didn't phase me at first, but things were a little rough this past week. It's so hard not to be able to see my brother starting varsity for the first time, and knowing this is what he has worked for all this time. It's even harder knowing I won't get to see him play varsity in his career. When my mind finally came to that realization, a small part of my heart just broke to pieces. There's also a part of me that is missing getting to see the incredible strides my sister is taking in getting herself back on the straight track again, and I couldn't be more proud of her, or of my beautiful niece. And then there's my youngest sister. I will have the possibility to see her final year of marching band and every single performance she decides to be in senior year if Father leads me back home after my two year contract. But not seeing her get her drama and singing experience in the next two years is making it a little tough too. And finally there's mom and dad. I couldn't care more for two people if I tried. They've been there for me through everything and, now that they're not there, it's just a rough transition. The transition of getting out from underneath them had to be made, and I am becoming better everyday for it, but it's rough not even having the ability to see them.

Friends
This transition was a little less rough after this past week. I finally got to talk with my two closest friends on the planet. It was all I could do not to smile with this big goofy grin the rest of the night and going to bed, but it was bitter sweet. I had the best night I've had in China so far, but it wasn't even anything China related. Not all of my friends would be available, obviously, but there were a few weddings where I know I would have seen so many special people in my life. I feel as though all of my friendships have been thrown to the wayside in my move here. Being a social person, it has just been tough to not have people around that I am comfortable sharing certain things with.

Fellowship
Those of you who know me know I absolutely enjoyed fellowship more than anything else in my week. Yes, a big part was fellowship, but another part was my ability to serve others. It's so hard to be going to a fellowship where everything is small and I don't have the ability to serve in the capacities that God really skilled me to serve in back home. So I guess part of it, as well, is the frustration of not knowing how to serve here in my new fellowship. But there's more than that: I'm just having a rough time not having the big community around me that I had before. I've gone from a community of around 550 or so, and knowing a majority of those people, to having maybe 20 other people. I can't tell you how much I underappreciated what I had when I had it.


Please don't take this as a posting just to complain, but understand that every story has a few sad chapters. This is the first week that I consistently struggled with missing things for 7 straight days. I want to have my mind completely here, and yet it's just been rough. If you know me, you know I usually can get myself completely into whatever I do, and that's what I will continue to do. But if you talk to Father, please just ask for His help with my transitions. It's been a rough week...


These are my stories...